Hello, I'm back! :)
I've got news too.
And this time I'll be really, really honest.
Mainly because I know that no one will come and read this anymore, so this will just be some motivational thing to me.
Anyways, I've decided to become stronger.
Okay maybe physically would be good too.
But yes, I want to be stronger.
To such an extent whereby I'll be able to know my flaws perfectly well and be able to admit it confidently.
To such an extent whereby I'll be able to not cry.
To such an extent whereby I'll be able to have my emotions in complete control.
To such an extent whereby I'll be able to have enough courage to do many things.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not suicidal.
It's just that, committing suicide, and still being perfectly clear in the head [to whoever is going to die anyway], really requires a lot of courage.
Just try imagining it now.
You really want to die right now, but you're not suicidal.
Try being able to walk off a building.
Or jump off, since that'll make the plunge that much more fun, and have more adrenaline coursing through you.
Or grab a knife and stab yourself.
Would you be able to do all these?
I know I sound pretty crazy right now, but seriously, I'm fine.
I'm not going to kill myself just yet, because I don't have the courage to do so.
But really, when the day comes that I'll be able to do this, will show that I finally have enough courage, and I'll have met one expectation for myself.
If I ever die one day because of suicide, just remember that it'll probably be because I'm bored of life.
I don't think I'll be committing suicide because I'm depressed or stressed.
At least, not at this current stage of my life.
Alright, back to my goal.
Since I want to become stronger, I'm going to try to train myself and keep my emotions in track first.
And slowly, I'll gain more control over it.
Once that happens, I'll start being able to work towards the courage part.
And to test out whether I do have enough courage to die, I'll try imagining everything out first.
If I can pass that stage, then I'll probably have met the expectation.
Because by then my imagination should be able to go to the extent whereby it seems perfectly real.
No, I won't die yet, sorry to disappoint those many people out there who were expecting something like that from this confession.
But once I get bored of my life, I might just do it.
Because, I've got nothing to lose.
No one will lose anything from me dying too.
The world has 6 billion other people anyway, and counting.
Me going off, won't make a difference.
Hmm okay it's time to go off.
Maybe I should start posting here more again.