Wistfulness

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

31/3/10

My chat log on MSN has amazing things.
I was really stupid back then.
This is proven by my chat log.
Yet I can't delete it, because it holds so many precious memories.
Deleting it would be like deleting my memories at that time.
Ah well, I feel depressed.
And I don't know why.
Sigh.

31/3/10

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ONG SUYI! I DID NOT FORGET YOUR BIRTHDAY OKAY!
But your present hasn't been bought :(
I'll give you another time.

Anyway, downloading Audition again. Why? Because Sherlene and I are going to challenge :) Can't wait.
Only problem is, its lagging my computer. A lot.
Now I can't do anything, because its so slow. Argh.
And Sherlene's Dinnering. Sigh.

Listening to Colours of the Wind, the one that JJ sent me.
So scary. I heard a double/triple high F. D:

Cookies are in the process of being baked :D
Picnic tomorrow at Keller house, with (from youngest to oldest) Sherlene, Grace, Mun Yun and Tha Yang.
Can't wait to eat the food.

Speaking of Sports Carnival, I have to run for 4x100 tomorrow :(
No mood to run now. SCWS doesn't improve anything.
Ah well, hopefully I run well tomorrow.
I don't want a repeat of P5.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

30/3/10

Well, today was Council Investiture.
Nice performance, it was.
Time well spent :)
And the free food after that in the MPR! <3

Argh but its so annoying when they kept calling for the councilor Evelyn Fong, and I keep reacting to the name. >:(

Anyway, I just noticed how awesome Stickies are.
Especially how they're made.

Now its going to cost me a bomb buying them for concert presents.
The total cost should be about $30, I guess.
2 150g ones, 5 70g ones, and one Hershey's Dark Chocolate bar.
I just hope that none of my section mates read this.

Anyway, during English lesson, we learnt about how scary Social Networking Sites are.
Like Facebook.
But too bad, I'm not going to like delete my account just because of that.
Also, they said blogging is unsafe too.
Why? Because people can read your posts.
So I guess I'll go password protect my blog then.
If I have time.

Art is killing me.
Why can't we use crayons? D:
Blending would be that much easier and nicer.
So I went on to using colour pencils.
And guess what? Its WATER colour pencils. Not NORMAL colour pencils.
But I really don't care now.
Here's an extract from Hanna and my conversation.

           Alien - Agent Digimon (L)      says:
*Ah screw this
*I'm tired and I seriously have no time for useless subjects like Art
   Hannah     says:
*YES
           Alien - Agent Digimon (L)      says:
*So I shall use my colour pencils the way I like it
   Hannah     says:
*DNT WILL BE WORSE
           Alien - Agent Digimon (L)      says:
*No
*No homework
   Hannah     says:
*yeah but
*no wait
           Alien - Agent Digimon (L)      says:
*Hmm
*?
   Hannah     says:
*there was!
*in the scrapbook
*we had to draw a lot of crap
*and stuff
           Alien - Agent Digimon (L)      says:
*Oh
*Those were simple
   Hannah     says:
*...

Great minds think alike.

Ah well, I need to at least finish it.
And my shoe design thing still won't be handed in tomorrow -.-
1 month overdue? Actually, maybe 2 months.

-Agent Digimon, over and out.

Monday, March 29, 2010

29/3/10

Okay you crazy people out there, just in case you don't know, I'm suffering from CWS. Actually my Doctor just said that it has become SCWS. So what is SCWS? SCWS = Severe Chocolate Withdrawal Syndrome.

So how did this happen? I broke up with Chocolate. My mom just seems to disagree with our relationship. And so I'm slowly slipping into depression. But we'll get back together soon. I hope.

Now have I made this clear? I am NOT in love, dating, etc.
I'm just suffering from SWCS.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

28/3/10

What else can I say now?
I miss you too much.

I miss talking to you.
I miss looking at you.
I miss playing with you.
I miss sitting beside you.

I miss your voice.
I miss your smile.
I miss your playing.
I miss your presence.

But what can I do?

I can't see you now.
I can't teleport to you.
I can't be near you.
I can't go close to you.

Why? I don't know either.

Maybe its because I'm scared.
Maybe its because I'm not someone you would like.
Maybe its because I'm always like this.
Maybe its because I'm a nuisance.

But still, I can't stop thinking about you.

You remain in my mind.
You affect me in everything you do.
You changed my life.
You are the first person that I felt this way to.

But no matter what, it will never happen.

So now, I need to forget about this.
Now, I need to give up.
Now, I need to stop.
Now, I need to put an end to this.

I need to give up on this love of mine.

28/3/10

Yay, new tagbox. I finally went to get it -.-
Anyway, homework is undone, I have to go to my uncle's house later and I HAVE TO BAKE.
Urgh.
Rushing out Chinese Composition now.
Still don't know what to write.
I'll be expecting my E8 again.
So angry.
And since I'm so busy today, looks like I can't talk on MSN much :(
Dang.

28/3/10

Sherlene and I are talking again :D
I'm feeling better, but seriously, today was horrible.
Slept for 2 hours, went to Band like a zombie.
And guess what, she didn't really seem like she noticed.
I'm feeling really tired and worn out.
I really want to write something cryptic again, but I guess I'll save it for tomorrow.
Or maybe later.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

27/3/10

I think you hate me now.


I just feel so tired and upset now.
I have nothing much to write now.
I need her to come online so I can share, and then she'll share.
But I think she's out.
So she won't be online for a while.
Which would mean I'm stuck like this for now.
Time to sleep?
I think so.
Continuing from my 2 hour sleep last night.
Goodbye.


And I hope we'll talk today.
And I hope that you don't hate me.

Friday, March 26, 2010

26/3/10

Confused.
Mixed up.
My feelings are as messy as noodles.
Every emotion would be represented as a strand.
My heart can't take it.
I'm going to break down soon.

Tonight will be the first time I'm crying in bed ever since last year,
When I didn't get into Band.
It sure seems like my life revolves around it.

After reading Hannah's blog entry about Thailand and Memories,
I'm starting to wonder what will happen in the future.

Will I forget you?
Will you always remain here?
Will you forget me?
Will I still be somewhere in your heart?

Am I even inside your heart?
Am I just a memory that will fade away?
Am I going to be deeply etched in your memories?
Am I important to you at all?

As I write this,
I feel like crying.
I feel like just cradling in someone's embrace,
And sharing all my troubles.

But I can't.

Because I can't.
Because it would be unfair to them.
Because I would feel embarrassed.

Because you might hate me.

That single thought was enough to put an end to that proposal.
That single thought can make me fall into depression.
That single thought will make life hard to carry on.
That single thought can cause so many things.

But none would be good.

However, you told.
You broke what I thought was a promise.

You made me feel really embarrassed.
You made me wonder how many people you told.
You made me wonder how many times you broke this single, important promise.
You made me wonder if this promise even meant anything to you.
You made me feel what I am feeling now.
You made me bring back so many memories I wanted to cast away.

But no matter what you did,
I can't bring myself to hate you.
Its too hard for me.

So I'll just let it slide past me,
And let it remain locked up deep within my heart.

And hopefully,
The day will come
When I can share it to you,
And everything will be fine.

But will it happen?
Will there actually be a day like that?
Will there be a day when everything can go back to normal?
Will there be a time when I can return to normal?

So for now,
Since its not going to happen,
I'll just let it slide past me,
And let it remain locked up deep within my heart.

So allow me to remain confused,
Allow me to remain upset,
Allow me to be out of sorts,
Allow me to break down.

And hopefully,
The day will come,
When all these end.

Hopefully,
The day will come,
When you realise what I did for you.
When you notice my feelings.
When you help me overcome them.
When I can end this.

Hopefully,
There will be a day,
In the future,
Where I can say
Openly,
Truthfully,
Frankly,
Confidently,
That I don't have feelings for you.

26/3/10

Ohmygosh I need Sherlene to come online! Why is it that she's hardly online -.-
Even Mun Yun is online more than her. Argh!

26/3/10

Whoa. Friday. This came faster than I expected.
Anyway, waiting for a hack to come out is harder than I thought. I'm going to die soon because I can't buy much in HC while I can buy anything in RC. Oh yeah, I went to Gingerbread theme yesterday :D So happy.
Piano is starting in 8 minutes, need to go off soon. This won't be my only post today. Definitely. I'm planning on writing something like I did 2 days ago. So Sherlene will be like "I don't believe you wrote that" again :)

Agent Digimon, over and out.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

25/3/10

My heart aches more after looking there.

Ah well, 3 more minutes till midnight, which means another day. Better finish this quickly.
I just noticed that I'm on Facebook a lot. Even though I have nothing to do there. Maybe its because...
Ah well. Bedtime.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

24/3/10

I wish you weren't that busy.
I wish you were more active.
I wish you would give better replies.
I wish you could make some effort to keep up with the conversation.
I wish you could talk to me more.
I wish you liked me more.
I wish for your attention sometimes.
I wish we could talk all day long.
I wish you would understand how I feel and reciprocate.
I wish we could just be closer.

But I know we can't.

So I'll just stay here,
And cry silently within my heart.
I'll think of you,
And stay alone in my sanctuary.
I'll cry out loud,
All alone.
My heart will ache,
All over you.

I'll wonder about what you think of me.
I'll wonder if you hate me.
I'll wonder about how much you think of me.
I'll wonder if its none at all.
I'll wonder when this will end.
I'll wonder if it never will.
I'll wonder what will happen if you reciprocate.
I'll wonder if you don't.
I'll wonder if I can stop being like this.
I'll wonder if I can't.

I'll waste my time on this.
I'll waste my feelings.
I'll waste everything I did for you.
I'll waste my effort.
I'll waste my thoughts.
I'll waste my energy.

And I did all these for you.

So I'll hope for a better tomorrow,
And a better reply.
I'll hope for a better time with you,
And a better conversation.
I'll hope for you to reciprocate,
And to return my feelings.
I'll hope for you to understand my feelings,
And not hurt it.
I'll hope for you to treat me like a friend,
And not a stranger.
I'll hope to be able to talk to you in person normally,
And not only virtually.
I'll hope for us to be closer,
And not further.
I'll hope for us to feel natural around each other,
And not tense.

So all I want to say now is,
I like you.
I can't say love. Its wrong.

24/3/10

Hmm...I'm bored again. Maybe I should do a little mini project? Like the other time! :D
Maybe this time I'll do it to everyone online in 2C3 instead of my favourites, since there's only Hanna and Mun Yun online in my favourites list. Ok then, random sentence of the day shall be... "Choo choo choo!" Alright! Let's start!

Ok, so its Big Michelle, Hanna, Jymie, Gauri and Kellie.

Big Michelle:
haha
upin and ipin

Hanna:
...
wtf?

Jymie:
er meow meow meow?

Gauri:

Kellie:
O.O
Heeheehee you're weird

Eee Gauri no response.
Ah well.

Monday, March 22, 2010

22/3/10

I feel super sad. Somehow I wish I understood myself less. I wish I could go back to the time when I was still unclear about myself. I finally understand the meaning of Some things are better left unknown.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

20/3/10

Nyahaha I feel like typing this for my short little mini post.

:( Щ乇 ÐノÐ刀'イ んムЏ乇 丂乇ζイノԾ刀 イムレズ イԾÐムリ! Щ乇レレ, 刀Ծイ リ乇イ ムイ レ乇ム丂イ. 刀Ծ Ծ刀乇'丂 Ծ刀レノ刀乇! Ծ刀レリ Ǥ尺ムζ乇 ム刀Ð ノ ム尺乇...Ծん Щムノイ, ᄊЦ刀 リЦ刀 丂ノǤ刀乇Ð ノ刀. 乃Цイ Ծ刀レリ З ア乇Ծアレ乇 !ム刀リЩムリ, イԾÐムリ ᄊリ 丂ノ丂イ乇尺 ム刀Ð ノ Щ乇尺乇 イムレズノ刀Ǥ ム乃ԾЦイ イん乇 フЦ刀ノԾ尺-丂乇刀ノԾ尺 尺乇レムイノԾ刀丂んノア ノ刀 丂ζんԾԾレ. イん乇刀 丂ん乇 丂ムノÐ イんムイ 丂乇刀ノԾ尺丂 ム刀Ð フЦ刀ノԾ尺丂 丂んԾЦレÐ んムЏ乇 ム 乃ム尺尺ノ乇尺, 乃Цイ ノ丂刀'イ イんムイ QЦノイ乇...丂ムÐ? ム刀リЩムリ, 刀ԾЩ ノ ÐԾ刀'イ Ðム尺乇 イԾ ムアア尺Ծムζん ᄊリ 丂乇刀ノԾ尺丂 Ծ刀 ᄊ丂刀. 丂Ծᄊ乇んԾЩ ノ キ乇乇レ 丂ムÐ :(




For future reference for myself:

:[ ШΞ ÐłÐЛ'Т HΛVΞ SΞϾТłФЛ ТΛŁК ТФÐΛЏ! ЛФ ФЛΞ'S ФЛŁłЛΞ! ФЛŁЏ GЯΛϾΞ ΛЛÐ ł ΛЯΞ...ФH ШΛłТ, MUЛ ЏUЛ SłGЛΞÐ łЛ. БUТ ФЛŁЏ З PΞФPŁΞ! ΛЛЏШΛЏ, ТФÐΛЏ MЏ SłSТΞЯ ΛЛÐ ł ШΞЯΞ ТΛŁКłЛG ΛБФUТ ТHΞ JUЛłФЯ-SΞЛłФЯ ЯΞŁΛТłФЛSHłP łЛ SϾHФФŁ. ТHΞЛ SHΞ SΛłÐ ТHΛТ SΞЛłФЯS ΛЛÐ JUЛłФЯS SHФUŁÐ HΛVΞ Λ БΛЯЯłΞЯ, БUТ łSЛ'Т ТHΛТ ǪUłТΞ...SΛÐ? ΛЛЏШΛЏ, ЛФШ ł ÐФЛ'Т ÐΛЯΞ ТФ ΛPPЯФΛϾH MЏ SΞЛłФЯS ФЛ MSЛ. SФMΞHФШ ł ŦΞΞŁ SΛÐ :[

Its easier to read.

20/3/10

Today won't have any funny methods of writing :) I decided to be nice.

Well well well, Playfish has a new game, Hotel City!
I'm going to hack it already. I need more coins. I might do the EXP hack, but if Playfish suddenly sees that someone reached max level already, they'll know I'm hacking, so it might be better to do things slowly. I hate that, but oh well.

:( 28th March is my Grandma's birthday, so it means I can't go for SA concert. Argh. Wish I could go...

Update:
For my special project, I still need to do 3 more D: JaeYoung, ThaYang and Jimin.

Ah well, time to sleep.

Agent Digimon, over and out.

Friday, March 19, 2010

19/3/10

Right, I'm going to start on a mini-project out of boredom.
It shall be called....Ok I haven't thought of a name yet. But all you have to do is type "I love you" to everyone in your Favourites list in MSN, and get their reaction. This will be amusing :)

There are currently 3 (Omg so sad) people online on my favourites list:
1) Mun Yun
2) Stella
3) Shasha

Gah, Mun Yun just talked to me, so she'll have to be last in order. It needs to be an abrupt, sudden comment. Then it'll be fun :)

Reactions:

Stella: AWWW hahaha so sweet!
why the sudden sweetness O:
WAS IT A WRONG MESSAGE HAHAH

Shasha: haha aww i love you too!
hahhah (:

Mun Yun: yay
i love you too!

Jolene signed in! Her turn!

Jolene: o.o
why?


From this I can tell that I have made the right decision in my choice of CCA and friends.

Agent Digimon, over and out.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

17/03/10

Ok, so apparently I was wrong. It was interviews, which means I still don't know what position they're getting yet. Anyway, since I have found out that my blog is being read, I'll type like this today.

:α ɘмıт тxɘи ƨıнт αɒɘя oт ɘlʚɒ ɘʚ ll'ı ʇı яɘαиoω ı .ɘнтɒʚ oт ɘмıт ,тнϱıя ): иoмıϱıα яoʇ ɘмıт нɔυм тoи ƨиɒɘм нɔıнω ,иooƨ γllɒɘя тı ɘтɘlqмoɔ oт ɘvɒн ı ,ɘиoαиυ llıтƨ ƨı ʞяoωɘмoн ɘɔиıƨ тυʚ α: !иooƨ γllɒɘя γllɒɘя 20 ɘяυтиɘvαɒ иoмıϱıα нɔтɒω иɒɔ ı тɒнт ƨиɒɘм нɔıнω α: !ɘяυтиɘvαɒ иoмıϱıα нƨıиıʇ oт ϱиıoϱ м'ı ,ƨγɒωγиɒ .нϱυoнт ,ɘяɘнт ɘяɘω ϱиυoγ ɘɒį αиɒ ɘɔɒяϱ ʇı иυʇ ɘяoм иɘɘʚ ɘvɒн αlυoω .ɘяoм αɘαиoʚ иoıтɔɘƨ γм ,ʞɒɘяʚ ϱиıяυα ɘƨυɒɔɘʚ ؟γнω .иυʇ γllɒɘя .иυʇ ƨɒω тı ,γllɒυтɔɒ llɘω .ϱиıтƨɘяɘтиı γllɒɘя ƨɒω γɒαoт

Try reading this ;D

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

16/3/10

Grandma's in the bathroom, so I can't bathe. D:< Only reason why I'm blogging.
Anyways, apparently both Jae Young and Mun Yun will be in Band Exco, so Tha Yang will be SL. Interesting :)
Tomorrow will be horrible, have to be at school from 7.30 till 4.30. THANKS TO MATHS OLYMPIAD IN THE MORNING. Argh I hatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehate Maths Olympiad. Waste money and waste time.
Ah, Grandma's out, time to bathe.

:( No upside down post today.