14/4/10

I feel so upset.
I feel so depressed.

Why does it seem like you're avoiding me?
Why does it seem like you're ignoring me?
Why is it that we aren't that close anymore?
Why has it been like this ever since that day?
What did I do to make it like this?
Why did we suddenly get so far apart?
Why does it seem like this?
Am I being too sensitive?
Is it all just a mirage?
Or was it all just a mirage?
Was everything that you did just for the sake of doing it?
Or did you forget, and revert back to a long time ago?
Why did you change?
Or is it that I changed?

My mind is in a whirl now;
My heart is in a mess.
All I can think of
Is how much I miss you.

I see you online so much,
But I don't dare to click your name.
Even if I do,
I don't know what to say.
Even if I say something,
The conversation would die in a few minutes.
You wouldn't try to keep it alive,
You would try to end it.
Or maybe its just that
I'm too sensitive.

Whenever I see the window
With your name on it,
Not blinking in orange,
My heart sinks.
Why is it that it is always yours
Which is not orange?
Why is every other conversational window
Always blinking?

Why do you never reply me?
Why do you always ignore me?
Why do you avoid me?
Why do you only talk to me when its really necessary?
Why can't we go back to that time not too long ago?
Why is it like this?

Do you have any idea how much it hurts me
When we don't interact at all?
Do you have any idea how horrible it feels
When we don't talk everyday?

Do you know how happy I am
When I see the orange blinking light?
And how much my heart sinks
When we talk about Admin stuff?

What happened to the time
When we talked about random things?
What happened to the time
When we just talked about crap?
What happened to the time
When we just talked freely?
What happened to the time
When you made an effort
To keep the conversation alive?

Why is eye contact so awkward now?
Why is talking so awkward now?
Why is everything related to you so awkward now?
Why can't it be comfortable to be with you?
Why must it be like this?

Maybe this is because why its like this.
Maybe its because I changed.
Maybe its because I'm too sensitive.
But all I know is
I probably started it.
And I'm sorry.
So if you read this,
And understand that its about you,
Please forgive me,
If you know what its about.

And please don't forget that I love you.