This is bad.
The more I think about it, the more I feel that I should dislike her.
I don't know why.
All of a sudden it irritates me.
A lot.
The problem now lies with me.
Only me.
Not her, not anyone else.
If I just had a different kind of attitude, this would be so much easier.
I'm probably one of the hardest people to convince, when it comes to more major things.
That's a big problem.
How can I resolve this without convincing myself that convincing myself is not a form of lying to myself?
How can I change certain mindsets that I have been living with for fourteen years?
How can I sort things out within myself if I can't do it myself, but I'm not willing to let just anyone come to my aid?
Where does the root of the problem lie now?
I know it is within me, but exactly where?
I'm running out of time.
In another two months or so, at the most, the chains will unlock.
Also, we're meeting tomorrow.
What if I can't control my feelings?
What if I let them take over once again?
What if history repeats itself?
What if that weirdly built empire breaks down?
What if the image that they have of me becomes distorted?
What if I make things a lot more complicated?
What if things go toward the path of the worst case scenario?
What if chaos strikes?
What should I do now?
Hopefully, after typing this, an answer will just come into my head.
And then, I can officially begin.
My recovery plan.