I really think I have a multiple split personality disorder.
I think I shall see a therapist soon.
And, honestly, I think I need it really bad.
I still remember the days when I knew very clearly what I was doing.
I made my own decisions.
But now, I really have no idea.
I think I have ADHD.
I don't recall somethings.
I act impulsively.
And no, Half-bloods or Demigods don't exist.
Even though I can be calm at times, I'm starting to lose control of myself.
In a few years, I WILL go mad.
Not only that.
I reckon I'll lose the ability to walk and move my arms soon.
My knees have a problem.
The two parts of my legs, the thigh bone and the calf bone (?), they're grinding the joint between them.
Once they're done with it, I won't be able to walk.
And my arms.
I have no idea why, but these days, they're starting to ache a lot.
I think it has something to do with me writing on my hand so often.
Then again, that shouldn't be the reason.
I really wonder what will happen to me just 2 years later.
I'll be 16.
Will I still be sane?
Will I still be able?
Heck, will I still be alive?
Its times like these that make me wonder if I'm in a video game.
But that's not what life is, right?
If anything, I would say it were an MMORPG.
Well, I'll expect some people to think that I'm really weird.
Some might think I'm seeking out pity.
But that's not what I want.
Like I probably said before many times, this blog is meant for me to keep records of things that I should, so that in future, I can read them all over again, and remember my life when I was 13/14.
So for those who think I want pity, think again.
But those who think I'm weird, you haven't seen anything yet.
Amazingly, no one in my family knows about these things.
Its like I don't want them to know.
Somehow, every time they show lots of concern for me, I hate it.
Like the other time I had a fever in school, and my friends and teachers were all really worried about me, and I was fine with it.
But the moment my mom came to send me home, and she looked so worried, I hated it.
And when she tried to show me concern, I hated it too.
I don't know why, but I just feel like I have to be strong in front of my family.
I've never showed them my weakness yet.
Sure, they've seen me cry when I see things like animals dying, or touching things, but I'm a sucker for those, and that's not my weakness.
Its just a normal reaction.
I've cried when my parents scolded me too, but that's not counted.
I haven't cried while being beaten since I was 8.
But I've cried a lot of times, and they don't know.
No one in my family does.
Somehow, I just have to let everyone in my family have the image of me as a strong person, who's only fear is spiders, because that, I can't help it.
I've killed many insects before.
I've gotten rid of many flying bugs.
I've been in the lead of something scary before.
I've calmed down my siblings before.
I've consoled my family members before.
But the truth is, I was scared.
All the time.
Some insects, like cockroaches, I didn't like killing, because I'm still a little scared of them.
Because of they're size.
Flying bugs, let's face it, I'm afraid that they get onto me.
Bees, I'm afraid of them stinging me.
Scary things like haunted houses and ghosts, even though I pretend not to be scared, I'm actually terrified of them.
When my siblings are freaking out, deep down inside, so am I.
When they're all upset, so am I.
My grandfather's death was an example.
I was really upset about his death.
Really.
I cried every night.
That went on for about 2 months.
But on the second day of his funeral, I didn't cry.
At all.
I was just there, comforting everyone else.
And now, my sister actually makes fun of me, and says that I only care for animals, because I cry so much when animals in films die, but I didn't even cry on the second day when my own grandfather died.
It feels horrible.
Honestly, it does.
But I still do it.
I have no idea why I do all these.
And now, I have no idea why I just let everyone that reads my blog know about this.
A sign of ADHD?
I don't know.
I think I shall see a therapist soon.
And, honestly, I think I need it really bad.
I still remember the days when I knew very clearly what I was doing.
I made my own decisions.
But now, I really have no idea.
I think I have ADHD.
I don't recall somethings.
I act impulsively.
And no, Half-bloods or Demigods don't exist.
Even though I can be calm at times, I'm starting to lose control of myself.
In a few years, I WILL go mad.
Not only that.
I reckon I'll lose the ability to walk and move my arms soon.
My knees have a problem.
The two parts of my legs, the thigh bone and the calf bone (?), they're grinding the joint between them.
Once they're done with it, I won't be able to walk.
And my arms.
I have no idea why, but these days, they're starting to ache a lot.
I think it has something to do with me writing on my hand so often.
Then again, that shouldn't be the reason.
I really wonder what will happen to me just 2 years later.
I'll be 16.
Will I still be sane?
Will I still be able?
Heck, will I still be alive?
Its times like these that make me wonder if I'm in a video game.
But that's not what life is, right?
If anything, I would say it were an MMORPG.
Well, I'll expect some people to think that I'm really weird.
Some might think I'm seeking out pity.
But that's not what I want.
Like I probably said before many times, this blog is meant for me to keep records of things that I should, so that in future, I can read them all over again, and remember my life when I was 13/14.
So for those who think I want pity, think again.
But those who think I'm weird, you haven't seen anything yet.
Amazingly, no one in my family knows about these things.
Its like I don't want them to know.
Somehow, every time they show lots of concern for me, I hate it.
Like the other time I had a fever in school, and my friends and teachers were all really worried about me, and I was fine with it.
But the moment my mom came to send me home, and she looked so worried, I hated it.
And when she tried to show me concern, I hated it too.
I don't know why, but I just feel like I have to be strong in front of my family.
I've never showed them my weakness yet.
Sure, they've seen me cry when I see things like animals dying, or touching things, but I'm a sucker for those, and that's not my weakness.
Its just a normal reaction.
I've cried when my parents scolded me too, but that's not counted.
I haven't cried while being beaten since I was 8.
But I've cried a lot of times, and they don't know.
No one in my family does.
Somehow, I just have to let everyone in my family have the image of me as a strong person, who's only fear is spiders, because that, I can't help it.
I've killed many insects before.
I've gotten rid of many flying bugs.
I've been in the lead of something scary before.
I've calmed down my siblings before.
I've consoled my family members before.
But the truth is, I was scared.
All the time.
Some insects, like cockroaches, I didn't like killing, because I'm still a little scared of them.
Because of they're size.
Flying bugs, let's face it, I'm afraid that they get onto me.
Bees, I'm afraid of them stinging me.
Scary things like haunted houses and ghosts, even though I pretend not to be scared, I'm actually terrified of them.
When my siblings are freaking out, deep down inside, so am I.
When they're all upset, so am I.
My grandfather's death was an example.
I was really upset about his death.
Really.
I cried every night.
That went on for about 2 months.
But on the second day of his funeral, I didn't cry.
At all.
I was just there, comforting everyone else.
And now, my sister actually makes fun of me, and says that I only care for animals, because I cry so much when animals in films die, but I didn't even cry on the second day when my own grandfather died.
It feels horrible.
Honestly, it does.
But I still do it.
I have no idea why I do all these.
And now, I have no idea why I just let everyone that reads my blog know about this.
A sign of ADHD?
I don't know.
at
11:31 PM
